Rant Rant.

I don’t know how to explain this, but I find it very hard to take my life seriously. I do understand you can be described as a drama queen if you take life too seriously, and that to have a healthy life, you should have a balanced attitude towards your life, but I think something might be wrong…
I just can’t seem to bring myself to take the events happening in my life seriously even though I am in the middle of it! It’s like… watching your life on screen. You know what’s happening, but you don’t really feel anything particularly strong about it. My life feels like a distant rumor, and I am one of its audience only.

It’s as though a big part of me is outside of my body, and only a small portion is present. It makes it extremely hard to focus on a goal long enough to achieve it because coupled with my perfectionism, I always regret I didn’t put my 100% into every task I really want/ought to achieve. Now that I think about it, how can I achieve anything if it feels as though only 30% of myself is doing it while the remaining is outside doing god knows what.

The only time I feel really present is in fictional worlds. I feel so immersed, so aware of what is happening inside. However, I don’t want that. I want to live fully in the real world, too. I don’t want to forever be an audience, I want to be a character, too.

I think I ought to see a doctor or something about this because I am seriously wasting my life away more than I intend to.

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