Self care is not only romantic music playing in the background, while you’re having an exotic massage in a faraway land of holiday. It’s not only a whole ass chocolate cake with two seasons of binge-watching for the night. It’s not only pretty, aesthetic pictures of your newly-dyed hair and made-over closet.
Self care is ugly. It’s crying while doing a spreadsheet of your expenses, and figuring out just how to pay off all your mounting debts. It’s groggy 5AMs, and restless 10PMs.
Self care is smelly. It’s burning off indulgent calories at the gym, even when your whole body aches for a morning in, an excuse-filled day of rest.
Self care is messy. It’s falling off the curve, taking up smoking again after 2 weeks of progress. It’s panic attack late at nights and smiles in the morning. It is constant recoveries and relapses, tormenting memories and hopeful promises.
Self care is embarrassing. It’s chalking up the courage to introduce yourself to people when your tongue burns with shame. It’s stuttering in your speech and showing up at the gym with chicken biceps.
Self care is learning how to parent yourself with nothing but a messed-up childhood as your guide. It’s hungrily devouring books and blogs on anything that might get you out of this vomiting mess of a life. It’s trying out meditating for this month, and cycling the next. It’s the long waiting game, patiently growing out seeds of love from a mud-filled pond.
So you see. Don’t buy into that consumerism bullshit that tries to make you spend to run away from the real problems of life. Truly care for yourself, create a life that needs no running away from.